Wednesday, February 13, 2019

God, Me and Forgiveness

When you ask God a question,
be prepared for His answer!!!

I asked God how do I pray?
He said talk to me, grab a cup of coffee, visit with me like you do your friends
Read my's Me talking to you!

As I continued my quiet time 
the scriptures that seemed to jump off the page

Lord thank you for the reminders that you hear my cries
and celebrate with me and you hold me close.

To think about You, Your love
Your redeeming love for me


Oh how I learned about forgiveness...
not only seeking forgiveness for my own sins
but in also learning how to forgive those who had hurt me,
I need to seek forgiveness when I sin so that I can keep
my relationship right with the Lord.
And it always feels good when sin has happened
and the slate is wiped clean.
Sometimes I picture 
God has one of these
and my sins are written down
BUT when I seek his forgiveness,
change my ways,
He just wipes the slate clean
and I get to start over!!!!

Isn't that awesome,
when we sin, we seek forgiveness
the slate is wiped clean!!!

and remembering to not sin again!!!

And then forgiving others!
I used to think I could never forgive certain people for certain things they had done to me, wronged me, hurt me
and then I realized forgiving them was not for them,
it was to wipe the slate clean in me

because when I was full of unforgiveness 
I was angry with a Capital A!!!
And I hurt myself but more importantly 
I hurt others
then I saw this verse,
who knows how many times I read it or heard it
but one day I owned it...
I sought forgiveness from those I hurt
(where I could)
and I forgave those who hurt me.

Did it happen over night or once and be done...
absolutely not...
there are still some days
I have to say to God, forgive me for taking that hurt back,
taking that forgiveness back,
help me to forgive each and every day.

One of the many things I learned was that it's hard to be loving
towards others if one is always angry.

I want to love others
as Christ loves me.

Maybe it's because I'm older
or maybe it's because I finally understood,
people do some things because it's the only thing they know,
and yes sometimes, people can just plain be mean
but deep down I 
think people want to love others
because all they really want is to be loved.

Then the question is raised
Does Forgiveness mean Forget?
Some people say yes;
I say sometimes...
I have forgiven my parents/step-parents for how 
they treated me but that doesn't mean I will ever forget 
the bad things that were done or said to me.

Why...because I will never allow them to hurt my own children 
in that way.  That is my job, to protect my children from harm 
if at all possible so that is why I won't forget.

How do you see Forgiveness and Forgetting? 

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Speaking Out AND Oh Lord...YOU are so Good to ME!!!

Before I continue I would like to address a question that someone asked me...why do I share what God is talking to me about, does it have to be made public...I write 
for me and to share who I am and what I deal with to be able to go back and read where I have been and where I am at and where I am headed.

Especially with our current lifestyle..
we are isolated from people
except the drivers who come in and who probably don't really care about talking to a woman...though we do talk about their kids and food, always food!!!
I chat with a few friends on Messenger or on the phone;
it's the only way I can fellowship with others right now.

Yes, this is our life right now, 
yes, we have chosen this job for now and yet I have resources to communicate with others and sometimes Ron really gets tired of my chatting.  As he likes to say he can say whatever he needs to in 150 words or less where I need 10,000 words ...
so I write...
if you don't want to know what I'm thinking,
or reading, or writing then don't read my blog.
No one is forcing you!!!

I also write so that those who are important to me can know where I am at, where I am coming from, what I am thinking about, along with sharing memories of things we do and see, it's a way to share us with our friends and family.

So again let me say,
read my blog if you want,
be my friend on Facebook if you want,
if you don't then don't!

So with that, and if you are still reading...
As I was walking out to get some meter numbers  this morning I was chatting with God about how I wished I knew how better to is something I have struggled with for years...not all the time but sometimes...sometimes I feel like God is sitting right next to me, never letting me go and other times I feel like I am begging Him to come near...and yes, I know HE is always with's just the dang feelings...
Yet once again, YOU met me right where I am...
You are always with me and if I stray you will welcome me home again!!!
And You love me just as I am
and though words don't always come to me You know my heart
and thoughts!!

Thank you Lord for meeting me right where I am this morning!!!

And the reminders from You today...
Genesis 9:18~28
is full of reminders that we need to be aware of what we say because we never know who is listening or how our words will affect others.

And yes, I know what I wrote/said above and again,
if you don't want to hear what is on my mind,
then don't.

And if you want to talk further about this 
I am open to discuss it with you.  I don't believe the Lord is telling me to be quiet, He is telling me to be aware of what I say... it truth?

Proverbs 27:17
To speak in love, no matter what!!!

and Proverbs 16:28
Gossiping is a BIG NO NO!!!
If you find yourself saying "I probably shouldn't tell you this..."
Then don't!!!

It's so easy to share "a prayer request or concern...but really if God already knows about it, share the concern and prayer request with "Please join me in praying about a situation."  No reason to give details!!!

and then

The question came to mind...
we are to love others as God has loved us,
we are to extend grace as He has extended to us
so how do we love those we know are openly/purposely sinning?

First off, we are not to judge one another,
that is God's job!
In simple words I think we are to love the sinner not the sin.
Sometimes definitely easier said than done, yet we are still supposed to love.

Then the question comes, if we love the sinner are we then approving of their sin,
NO I don't think so, we love the person, not the sin...
I think of myself, loving and caring for someone very dear and important to me who smoked and drank way more than I thought was right...I still love that person
but I don't give him/her money as I don't know if they he/she will buy cigarettes or booze but I can buy them food, pay one of their medical bills...I'm still loving on them just not helping them to sin.

This may be too simple of an explanation, but it's what I think.  
What do you think?

Thursday, February 7, 2019

Please God...

Image result for God can come sit with me
Sometimes, like yesterday and today, I wish God would just come sit next to me on the couch or on the foot of my bed and tell me what to do...

I trust and believe this verse
Image result for jeremiah 29 11

but sometimes, okay lots of times I wish He would literally come and sit with me...

and though He physically didn't sit next to me this morning,
He reassured me over and over this morning

Image result for zephaniah 3 17

Image result for psalm 14:6

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And this sums it all up!!!
Image result for psalm 18 1-3

Lord you know what's laying heavy on our hearts
and we come to you asking for you to be clear with us and to give us that 
Image result for peace that passes all understanding
Thank you for loving us just as we are!!!

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Agape Love ~ Time with the Lord

Image result for agape love

In a little Bible study group I belong to one of the gals talked about Agape Love.  
And I realized I need to love myself with that same love...
sacrificial's not a's an action

God loves ME
He is not passive and 
I need to love myself

Image result for Psalm 127 1
Without the  Lord walking beside me
I walk in vain.
I am not expected to do everything on my own
with God's help

Lord thank you for loving me enough
to meet me right where I am today,
needing encouragement 
that I am lovable
just as I am

"Just As I Am"
Just as I am, without one plea,
But that Thy blood was shed for me,
And that Thou bid’st me come to Thee,
O Lamb of God, I come! I come!

Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt;
Fightings and fears within without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come!

Just as I am, and waiting not 
to rid my soul of one dark blot, 
to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot, 
O Lamb of God, I come, I come. 

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
Sight, riches, healing of the mind;
Yea, all I need, in Thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come!

Just as I am, Thou wilt receive,
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
Because Thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come!

Because Thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come!

Thank you Lord for loving me!!!

Feeling Discouraged ...

Yesterday was a hard day for me,
a day of coming to Jesus meeting again...
...about my health

and before I continue
I know...
but sometimes it's hard to remember
not to be hard on myself.

I think back to a counseling session with Tom...

I found this...

I had a real hard time falling asleep last night,
my mind was having a hay day
of the things I know I  need to do
and sleep just would not come.

When sleep finally came
I had crazy dreams...
dreams of conflict and arguing
and sitting on Pastor C's couch and crying,
seeing Marla T and asking
"why can't I just change?"
"how come I don't have enough will power to do things differently?"

When I turned on my laptop this morning
this was the verse/art for the day
I want to be like Job...facing the difficult things
without complaining or making excuses.

Yesterday is over, can't change the fact I ate 3 donuts!!! It is what it is!!!
Spoke to Dr. S...need to see her in one month
A1C is 11!!!  Extremely high...causing some confusion as I have lost weight but A1C is out of control...I do make good food choices once in awhile, even a couple days in a row
but then I fall back and go for the donut or the Milky Way candy bar.

So I need to...


and remember

So for today
I have a
drink my water,
eat a healthy breakfast,
make a healthy dinner for Ron & I
and to walk some extra steps when I check in trucks throughout the day.

Spend some time in the Word,
focus on the positive...
and look forward to the day,
bring a smile to a driver's face
and try real hard to give myself the grace that I so easily give to others,
acknowledge I am not perfect,
and I have a second chance to make good food choices today.

Replace the negative feelings
with positive ones!!

and now NOT feeling so discouraged

Friday, January 25, 2019

Reminders for Today...

...figuring out Titles for my posts seem so hard for me
so today I just went with simple...

Reminders for Today....

I slept well last night, a good reminder that good, restful sleep is a positive thing!!!

Time with the Lord this morning seemed to be all over the board,
but that's okay, because my mind is all over the map this morning.

God calls us to be Peacemakers...I am not always a peacemaker, more like a troublemaker.  Never thought of it as SIN, but more like rocking the boat, playing 
the devils advocate, putting my two cents out there...maybe I need to really think about this verse...being a peacemaker.

This picture reminds me of one of the views on our drive from Cedarcreek into Branson.  Water is always calming to me, probably why I like to take baths and showers to help me relax...on a side note, I miss my bathtub so don't be surprised if we are visiting you and I ask if I can take a bath :)!

Peacemaker...not causing strife

Lord, help me to be the peacemaker not the troublemaker.

Peacemaker...sharing love with one another

Lord, help me to share your love with those I come into contact with,
whether in person or through the phone or my fingers.

this verse really jumped out at me
as we prepare to leave our position as gate guards
(we don't actually guard a gate...)
in May of 2019 to do some traveling, see family and friends,
and rest...really rest.  Like I said above,
I slept well last night 
but our schedule is not really restful
and everyone needs to rest at times.

We make plans, we pray about them,
we seek counsel from others,
we plan where we will stay, who we will see and
some of the things we will swimming with the grands!!!
But through it all we know the Lord is the one who is in control
and we need to be flexible in our hearts and minds for whatever comes our way.

Do you make plans?
What do you do when those plans change unexpectedly?

Again, my mind has been on Tess and her children,
they had plans as a family,
and yes, I believe the Lord is in control and doesn't intentionally cause his children to hurt, but HE is with them (and us) every step of the way.  I can pray for the Lord to comfort Tess and the family, help them to get to a place to see the good in life once again...most of all I pray that they are surrounded with those who love and care for them.  And that they KNOW they are not alone even though I am sure they are feeling very lonely and alone without Jory right there with them.

and then this verse appeared in my reading
...what a great reminder that GOD is greater than anything, anything we feel, anything we have to deal with, anything!!!!

Changing topics here....

The other day I was watching Dr. Phil and something he said caught my attention.  One of the guests said something about not having willpower and Dr. Phil's response was  "it's not willpower, it's programming."
WOW...that made me think, so I did some research and found this where he talks about it a bit more...

5) Make lifestyle changes. “It’s not willpower, it’s programming,” Dr. Phil says. You have to set your life up for success if you’re going to break your addiction. If you’re trying to stop smoking or drinking, try simple things like not carrying money for cigarette vending machines or cleaning your cupboards of alcoholic beverages Sugary foods ~ Ali!!!. You may have to change the places you frequent, what you do for fun and whom you hang out with. If you are a computer junkie, remove the computer from your house. The best way to stop an addiction is to not have access to it. By Dr. Phil

I have an eating disorder...I like food...I like my snacks, popcorn, York peppermint patties, potato chips, ice cream, pasta...all forms of pasta, can say I like carbohydrates!!!  But guess what, they don't like me, they are not good for me, but they taste so good!!!

I've been talking with my daughter-in-love, D recently about the Ketogenic diet, she has been talking to her naturopath, and I have been reading about the Keto diet for diabetics and how many diabetics who have chosen to follow a modified Keto diet have been able to reduce or even eliminate some or all of their diabetes medications.  

And the comment Dr. Phil made the other day about "it's not willpower, it's programming" struck a reality chord with me...I need to reprogram how I see food and use food to fuel my body.  Ali disclaimer here ~ I am not turning into a health food freak...that would not be me!!!  Just going to implement some new things in my for eating healthy...just like I implemented new tools in being a great parent!!! And doing it one step at a time!!!

Watch for more updates of this new route of this journey we call of eating healthier...I will still eat my York peppermint patties at Christmas...right Grands??

So another question for y'all...

...what are some of your favorite low carb dishes?
feel free to email me at ali1257 AT gmail DOT com

what are some ways you substitute healthy foods for those great tasting pasta's?
feel free to email me at ali1257 AT gmail DOT com

I also want to say thanks to those who leave me comments on my blog...I love to hear from y'all so keep those comments coming!!!

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Heavy Heart and Another Reminder

Last night we heard about the passing of a sweet man we met in Branson.
Jory Rolf, died unexpectedly last Saturday leaving his sweet wife, Tess and their six children without their daddy.
I sat in disbelief as I read the letter that a sweet friend, mentor and pastor wrote about Jory...and my heart began to ache as I thought of Tess and the children, such a wonderful and loving family who's only goal was and is to share Jesus love with others.  That's what they were doing in Central Florida...sharing the love of the Lord.

If I'm in shock, how must Tess be feeling?
All I can do is keep asking the Lord to comfort her and the children as no one else can in His strength and love. 
Please join Ron and I as we lift the Rolf family up.
The days ahead will be hard and difficult for them
YET we can keep trusting the Lord to take care of them.

If you would like to help Tess and the kids out in a tangible way,
donations are being accepted at

And this is just another reminder to me that we don't ever know how long we have here on earth with our family and friends...
and so this morning as I was spending time with the Lord, 
trying to wrap my head around my thoughts and tears
I asked the Lord to reveal Himself to me.

Life can change in an instant,
are you right with the Lord?

This morning HE reminded me of the following:


forgive those who have hurt you/me,
not once, but over and over,
we never know if we will have the chance to say
"I'm sorry" again so say it, mean it
and if you have to say it over and over then do so.

I have been hurt by many, some very close to me, who were supposed to love me, not hurt me YET I know I have hurt many too, some very close to me, who I was supposed to love not hurt and 
God loves me, still and always will.
And He has forgiven me over and over.
I have apologized to those I can for the wrongs I caused,
I hope they know I truly am sorry for hurting them,
and that I work very hard to not hurt anyone anymore.

Hurting someone is Sin,
I know I sin, every day, intentionally, no but it still happens.
BUT every day I ask the Lord to forgive me for hurting/sinning
that is what HE commands us to do.

1 Chronicles 16: 7-36
is a prayer of Thanksgiving.
Sometimes it's so hard to "be thankful" 
especially when we hear of hard things, like the loss of a dear man,
and yet we are reminded




and then 

and then some more

and again

And so, 
even though,
my heart aches for Tess and the children,
I join with them in celebrating that
Jory loved the LORD with all his heart and soul
and he is now singing praises with the Lord.

and that God loves us so much
He gives us chances upon chances
to do good,
turn from sin,
and to 
love one another!!!

My prayer today:

Lord, my heart aches for Tess and the children, 
even though we weren't close friends,
I have special memories of time spent with them
at Branson View Campground, 
on the Showboat Branson Belle,
snuggling the little ones,
being blessed by their music
and so I ask Lord,
be with Tess, the children
and the rest of Jory's family during these difficult days.

Help me to impact the lives of those who I come into contact with,
out here in the middle of no where Texas,
my family and friends, near and far,
and most importantly 
help me to remember to let them know
I love them and care about them
wherever they are and in whatever they are doing.

And THANK YOU Lord for loving me,
with all my foibles and faults,
THANK YOU for forgiving me over and over
and extending GRACE to me over and over.

I love you JESUS!!!

God, Me and Forgiveness

Wow!! When you ask God a question, be prepared for His answer!!! I asked God how do I pray? He said talk to me, grab a cup of cof...