Pondering...Part II

As I continue to sit here and listen to the hum of the fan,

I felt something land in my bra (I know you can picture me...wanting to scream but I can't as I don't want to wake up Ron) so I frantically feel around, pull at my shirt, can't find anything BUT I know something went down there,

then I feel it, I shake it out and it falls on the tablet,

I try to squish it, it doesn't want to die,

so I push hard with the thumb and hear and feel it at the same time

SQUISH!!!!

Not sure what it was, it's not a fly,

not a bee,

but it has wings, over 1/2" long

and now it is staring back at me,

but it's dead so I can get back to where I left off...

**********

YET

I 

WONDER

DO NOT misinterpret what I am going to be writing,

this is from my heart, deep in the recesses of my mind,

we are so thankful for the many prayers that have been said on our behalf,

for the money that has been sent to help us out

YET

I 

STILL WONDER

where has everyone gone???

Facebook says I have 473 friends,

Ron's Facebook says he has 226 friends

and we have 124 mutual friends

that's a total of 575 friends between the two of us,

and that's just on Facebook

what about friends who aren't on Facebook?

friends made along the journey of life,

friends from the military we still keep in touch with,

friends from the many churches we have attended and been a part of,

friends from all the different jobs we have had over the years,

friends we have connected with due to different circumstances in our lives

~~ births of children

~~ death of children

~~ common ground ~ RV'ing, writing, 4-wheeling 

~~ schooling

I think you get the picture

so many have prayed for us and with us

and we are so thankful

and then I wonder

AM I BEING SELFISH?

IS IT ME? OR IS IT THEM?

so many say

"let me know if there is something I/we can do"

and yet we only hear from a handful of people

Yes we live a very non~traditional life,

we are not physically surrounded by friends and family,

our family is spread across many states 

and we have friends in many more states,

I don't want to sound ungrateful

because I'm not

I'm just confused

especially by those who specifically say

"let me know if there is something I/we can do" 

and then we don't hear from them again

this journey we have been on the last 55 days

has me thinking about my own life,

about the things I say to people,

like

"I will pray for XXX"

yes, I usually send up an arrow prayer,

you know the ones sent in haste just so I can say I prayed for XXX

about when I say

"let me know if there is something I/we can do"

do I really mean it?

do I follow up?

sometimes yes, often times not,

so why does it bother me so much that people have said

"let me know if there is something I/we can do"

I know why or at least I think I know why

because

we get busy with life,

we don't know exactly what to do,

because in reality we are selfish beings,

I was chatting with a friend earlier tonight

and one thing she said is that most people don't intend to not do what they say they will or want to do.

but life gets in the way.

Life just gets in the way.

Ron has asked many times over the past weeks

"I don't know why this has happened to me, but I know there is a reason"

I have wondered to, 

why? how come?  

we may never know

but I do know

that one thing I have learned over the past few weeks

and have been reminded of

is 

I/we need to be more intentional

with the words we say

and the things we do.  

If I ask someone,

how can I help?

I need to be able to follow through with their request

Not just offer because it sounds good

or it's the right thing to say

if I can't be ready to fulfill their request,

I shouldn't ask how can I help

instead 

I should say

may I do XXX for you??

XXX could be say a prayer,

fix a meal or buy a meal,

pick up some groceries,

send a note of encouragement,

send $$...I know one person said to me,

money is tight but here's $20,

and that's how I want to be,

to be able to give a little because all the little's add up to one big lots!!!

YET