Expectations

I wish there was a magic button to turn off expectations!

Things seem to be going well 

and then

I think I need to set a timer to go off every 30 minutes

so I won't be surprised when things change on a dime.

Things are going well and then

no cooperation,

smart alecky comments,

and then

explodes!!!

It's so hard to keep 

feelings inside,

to keep my mouth shut

and not to take things personally.

Makes me realize how much I have grown

and at the same time realize how

much my past behavior was so hurtful to so many.

Oh how I wish I could turn back the clock with the knowledge I have today;

back to when our boys were little, 

to their young teenage lives,

to their teenage years.

But I can't!

What I can do is learn from the past,

make positive choices today,

and continue to trust the Lord to be with me/us

as we do our work here

Trying to remember the good things,

Saturday night being asked by one of our boys to buy him a Bible

Sunday buying that Bible

and laughing and joking with all the boys.

Making 

on Sunday and watching one young man eat 8!!! yes 8 pancakes

and

making

this morning and watch that same young man eat 6!! yes 6 waffles!!!

Sitting here in tears

wanting to yell at someone

instead choosing to 

write and write some more!!

Was going to send a 

email to a couple of friends

and decided against that.

Decided instead to write here ~

and try to 

I turned the TV off, 

one boy is playing games on his phone,

one boy is at athletics,

one boy is playing on the XBox

and one is outside being watched by my sweet hubby!!

So thankful he able to remain 

calm and patient

when all I want to do is react!!!