In the last two days I have heard that two young couples, with children, are getting divorced. I am sad to hear this...these two couples were so excited to get married, shared in the joys of parenthood but after just a few short years have decided to go their separate ways.
I don't know the specifics and I don't want to speculate. It is just sad to see four young people, who love the Lord and who loved each other at one time find they must separate and divorce. Who I feel really bad for are the little ones. They are 5, 2 and 1...having grown up in my own family of divorced parents ~ they divorced when I was eight I know how hard it is to be the child of divorced parents.
My parents hated each other. I never heard either of them say a kind word to or about each other. I want to tell each of these four young people "no matter how you feel about your ex-spouse, don't say negative things about them in front of your children. In your eyes they may have been hurtful, mean, crazy, whatever BUT in your child's eyes they are their Mommy or Daddy. They love their mommy and daddy.
Maybe you are right and they are bad, mean, crazy, whatever ~ let your children find that out for themselves. If what you say/believe is true than the truth will come out.
If I could have asked my parents to do one thing for me that would be "please don't tell me how bad, wrong, crazy my mom/dad is" he/she is my mom/dad and I love them. And please don't keep me from them ~ I need and want them in my life. If the day comes that I don't want to be around them or have issues with them then let me decide that on my own.
I can't say anything to change any of these young people's minds but what I can do is pray for each of them and for their children. Especially for the little ones. Their little lives are being turned upside down right now ~ they need all the love they can get. And that is what I pray for ~ for the Lord to surround them with parents who love them, who can be respectful of each other in the presence of those little ones and most importantly for the little ones to always know and remember THEY are not responsible for their parents actions and choices.
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I think you can say something, tell them to fight! there is no opt out, tell them its worth it, tell them the God they serve is worth it, tell them thier children are worth i and tell them their testimony is worth it! I almost lost my marriage, it was worth the fight! There are green pastures after the rocky mountain! The best advice I ever got was on our wedding day, after we were married we went to Epcot, a woman ahead of us in line was 945 years old (or at least looked like it!) and said "there will be good days and bad days, good weeks, bad weeks, good years and bad years, good decades and bad decades, but always remember though the bad seems to come around the good is soon behind it!", I have clung to that in the bad times and sure enough, she was right! Gods plan is bigger than our choices, never let an opportunity to plead with someone for their marriage, God hates divorce, even if the people dont listen at least plant those seeds, every marriage is worth saving! :) Mine was (most days at least! :P)
ReplyDeleteThat is very sad Allie. My niece has recently left her husband and is going to get a divorce. They have been married for over 15 years and have two boys...and it is the boys who are getting the short end of the stick. So sad. Like my sister says, when love flies out the window, commitment walks in the door. Feelings can fluctuate but commitment is what lasts.
ReplyDeleteI sooooo agree Alice. As my own marriage has recently been lost to divorce, one thing I am thankful for is that God has given me the grace to remain "friendly" with my x, and not bad-mouth her around the kids (or really anywhwere), and I don't think she bad-mouths me either. I can't imagine how much more of a negative impact that would have on our children than the divorce in and of itself is likely to have anyway. It doesn't take a genius to notice how children are impacted by parents' behavior-bad or good. Praise God for His never ending love for us!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are a wise woman, Ali, and this is wise advice to any couples who are contemplating going through with a divorce.
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