Feelings Running Amok!!!

I am really struggling this week.

Short fuse :(

Frustration :(

Exhausted :(

(and don't understand why???)

Yet

I am feeling blessed ~ 

great relationship with our boss

loved by so many

for the most part financially stable

blessed by K & J with a new to me laptop

loving watching our MCH boys maturing in a positive manner

loved by the best husband in the world

have two healthy sons & their families

five healthy and lovable grands

and yet little things are bugging the crap out of me!!

why can't I get quicken to work on the laptop???

why am I so exhausted ~ especially since we had a great week of rest???

craving salty foods like crazy!!!

did I say I am tired!!!!

Ramblin' On

Our view this morning from our campsite at Lake Whitney.

We had a great six days off ~ lots of relaxing, went for a drive one day, friends visited on Sunday, we played cards and watched movies.  

Today we drove back to Waco,

got the trailer set up on the ranch ~ not sure when we will be going out in it again as the next few times we are scheduled off we are only off for three days.  Haven't heard when we can expect new house parents.  So we go day by day.

This afternoon we headed out to have a late lunch with some friends.  I found myself getting more and more 

with Ron for taking a wrong turn,

with text messages giving me grief for being late.

I should know better, it was after 2:00p and I hadn't had anything to eat ALL day!!  We had gotten up around 9 and started tearing down camp and getting ready to head back to Waco.  We got the trailer in its home here at the ranch and then unloaded the car, touched base with our UM Mr. Chris

and then headed out for the restaurant.

As we were driving, Ron missed a turn, we started arguing,

I wanted to throw my phone at him for getting mad because he missed the turn.

Got to the restaurant after multiple texts saying they wouldn't serve us if we weren't there by 2:15.  Got there at 2:10 and walked in.  

And from there I just fell apart and turned around and walked out.  

Sent a text to Ron to eat without me

(doesn't solve the problem that I haven't eaten all day)

walked over to the mall,

sat for a bit,

walked back to the car,

and laid down on the back seat.

About an hour later, Ron came out to the car

and we headed back to the ranch.

I did ask him to stop at HEB so we could pick up some fruit, cottage cheese and a few other things...$65 later we headed to the car.

Got back to the ranch,

unloaded the groceries,

ate some spring rolls and sushi,

drank a bottle of water,

watched the news ~

so much devastation in the Houston area.

Spent time talking with our friend Merel

and then watched some TV.

And setting up my new to me laptop.

Thank you so much K & J for blessing us.

Words can't express our thanks.

Planning our trip to Oregon and Washington

in November.

Can't wait to see our boys, their wives

and of course our grands!!!

Time to call it a night as 5:15 comes super duper early in the morning and we start working at 6 a.m. tomorrow!!!

God's Perfect Timing ~ Always

I am always amazed how the Lord puts things in my path 

to remind me over and over that He is in control

ALL the TIME!!

This morning the picture below showed up on my Facebook feed.

This was after I had walked the circle,

talking to the Lord about why little things seemed to be really 

bothering me this morning.

Music too loud ~ every morning we have to tell D to turn his music down

Repeating daily to L to clean his personal area and under his bed

Giving a 5 minute warning "5 minutes to leave for breakfast" and then 

still have to wait on R to get his shoes on...

...little things that seemed to be mounting

and not knowing the reason why.

I began to think about the past few days ~

Sunday ~ we have talked over and over that we need to get connected to a local body of believers, yet with our schedule would going only every other week really meet our needs and could we become a part of a family only part~time?  We wouldn't know unless we tried.

A few weeks back I was going to go to Heart of Texas Cowboy Church but having a boy refusing to put on church clothes changed those plans.  I had left a message on HOTCC phone and about 12:45 the pastor, Jeremy, called me.  We chatted for about 10 minutes and he said to come any time we could.  We would always be welcome.  His phone call ministered to me and I could just feel Jesus' love coming forth.

Working lots of overtime right now (down a set of home~parents) makes our time off even more precious.  We said and knew we needed to get into a body of believers, we need to fill our soul, to be able to love on these boys in our care.  So we set our alarm (both woke before the alarm ~ definitely a God thing) and got ready to go to church.  As we pulled into the parking area people waved to us and walking in the door we were greeted by so many people, welcoming us, thanking us for coming.  First impression was ~ yes, this feels like home!!

The same feeling the first time we walked into 

Open Door Community Church in Cedar Creek, MO

we just knew it was home!!

And the same feeling we had when we walked into 

Northwood Alliance Church

that second Sunday in November 2001!

The sermon was titled "Ride for the Brand"

from my notes ~

Drag Riders ~ Adapt and Overcome

Do I dance with the designer (God) or the world?

Loving the world leads to destruction

Loving Jesus leads us to peace

It's not about stuff! Stuff does not make you happy.

Love makes you happy

Struggles keep us faithful

Stop living for the future ~ we never know if we will make it to the future

God's perfection is better than anything I could ever imagine!

As we drove away from HOTCC we both talked about how much we felt at home,

felt welcomed and definitely want to go back.  We have made plans to go back on our next Sunday off, August 27 even though we will be up at Lake Whitney that week ~ but that's okay, it's just an hours drive and so we plan to go back!!!

Monday ~ received the following devotion from Refuge Devotional by Roy Howdyshell

THE BIBLE SPEAKS TO US

DEVOTION FROM THE BOOK OF ROMANS

Romans 7:14-20

14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to
sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I
myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that
is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do
not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I
do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

The Beast Within

Trying to eat healthy food over the holidays drives me crazy, and to be honest
it drives me crazy to eat so called Healthy Foods anytime. My question is, is
there really any kind of food you don't grow yourself that is really healthy?
But on to our Devotional today.

It isn’t that I don’t know what to eat. I know how to read food labels. I know
the difference between good and bad foods. I know how many calories I am
supposed to have in a day. I even know that I need to exercise, even though I
don't care to exercise. But when I am confronted with a plate of Christmas
cookies or a candy dish full of M&Ms and could name many other good things,  my
plan goes out the window. I know the food I should be eating, but it is not what
I end up eating. My appetite for sugar takes over. Is it too strong of a
statement to say I struggle with an unhealthy food addiction?

But here we see the apostle Paul is struggling with something much more serious
than junk food when he writes these words to the Romans. He is sharing his
addiction, an addiction we all share. It is an addiction to sin. Paul knew this
addiction first hand. He tried to stop sinning many times. He tried to be kind
and loving and compassionate at all times. He had plans to put others first and
to control his thoughts of lust, envy, greed, selfishness and anger, to name a
few. He had a great plan, but he still found himself sinning.

Yes time after time he found himself right back where he started, doing things
that he knew God hated, things that were wrong. This sin hurt his relationships
with other people, and even worse, threatened to completely destroy his
relationship with God. You see, Paul knew that he didn’t need to just work on
“self-control”. He realized that he was the problem. He had a sinful nature.
And, as a result, that sin living inside of him took over the steering wheel of
his life at times. He wasn’t trying to make excuses; he was just trying to state
reality, he was just being honest with himself. I think all of us can relate to
his misery. We end up doing the things we wish not to do, and the things we wish
to do we don't.

The answer for sin addiction does not come from inside of us. It comes from God.
The first step to getting help is to do what Paul did. He confessed his sin and
his inability to control his life. He asked
God to help, and he did, by sending Jesus. With the seed of faith in Jesus
planted in his heart, Paul now had good inside of him - good that came from God.
And so he committed himself to the daily struggle against sin.

Please remember that sin is anything that falls short of the glory of God. Do
you have sin with which you struggle? Take heart. Jesus has won the victory, and
he offers strength to you for your daily battle. Go to Him and ask him to help
fight your battle with sin or sins.

Prayer:

Dear Lord, I do things I don’t want to do all the time. Please forgive me. Take
away my guilt. Give me strength to continue to struggle to do what is right. Amen.

Need to talk to God?
He is only one knee-mail away

And I could see myself and so many of my struggles

of where I do the things I don't want to be doing

and not doing the things I need and want to do.

My prayer was that God would give me a redo ~ to start a fresh

just like God's mercies are new every day and I try to give that grace to our boys and I need to remember that God also gives those same mercies and grace to me.  To be aware of how I interact with the boys, 

to speak in love and remember the little things are just that, little.

And to focus on what's important.  

Is it really a big deal if their music is a bit loud,

if it's not bothering the other boys in their bedroom, why should it bother me,

and telling the same boy every morning to clean up his personal area

is really no different than reminding myself it's laundry day or time to do the dishes.

And then this morning,

this showed up

And I am reminded that life is full of little things,

yes we have rules and expectations,

but doesn't everyone?

And as I walked around the circle this morning,

I was reminded of God's beauty, seeing the cows out in the field,

the sun shining over the pond

and how precious life really is

and I prayed for the Lord to soften my heart 

a bit more, to not be so critical of the boys.

One of the new rules for the boys are no cell phones/accessories

at school ~ so Ron got a basket for those items, three of the four boys put their phones

and earbuds in the basket.  Ron explained if the boys lost their phone at school they would lose it for

24 hours here at home.  Three of them decided to put their phones in the basket.  

One of the things I am working on is not arguing with the boys about the rules.  Today is a good practice.  If D loses his phone at school, it just means he doesn't get it at home till tomorrow afternoon.

Here's to remembering 

in the big scheme of things

everything is a little thing!!

Celebrating August Special Days

Celebrations!

You think of parties, cake, smiles.

But what do you do when the special days are filled with not only

laughter, fun and joy

but also filled with

tears, what if?

Every August

my heart swarms with love for our boys that were born on 

August 8, 1977

Royce Alan

and 

Ronald James (Jamie), Jr.

Jamie turned 40! this year!!

Jamie and Ron, Missouri 2015

We were so glad that Jamie was able to join us in May 2015 for 5 days 

at the grand opening of GUMI Camp USA

So many memories of Jamie,

~ 110' the day he was born

~ his first plane ride when he was 4 months old!

~ first day of kindergarten, going by the name "Ronald"

~ first day of 1st grade, wouldn't answer when the teacher called him "Ronald"

~ the 2' Christmas story with his 3rd grade teacher, Cory Crawford

~ numerous wrecks in our cars

~ first dates, first cars,

~ soccer, wrestling, track & field in high school

~ going to the Job Corps

~ joining the Army

~ spending 13 months in Kuwait & Iraq

~ becoming a daddy

~ becoming a husband

~ buying his first home

~ tickets to concerts

and so many more!!!!

*******************************************************************

And then

August 11 comes

Full

of precious memories

your dark hair,

your chubby cheeks,

your soft skin

but then

For 39 years we have let

and messages off 

hoping somehow they might just reach you.

But this year was different ~

we wanted to take the focus off our pain

and bring joy to someone else

so we went shopping

for little boy clothes,

a car, some paci's

and blue socks

and delivered them to the local hospital

as a gift to someone 

celebrating their new baby boy!

Royce Alan

we will never forget you!!!

Hard Times and Good Times

Today got off to a rough start with the boys.  

I think we were all a bit tired from a late night last night and then jumping into a house meeting shortly after they got up did not make for a good mix.

Add in that Ron and I both had to do about five hours of online training so we would not be out of compliance with our training requirements.

It seemed like once everyone had lunch,

chores got done and everyone had some time to just relax the atmosphere 

seemed to settle down for everyone.

We were also able to have a short meeting with Bossman

about comments the boys were making

and not following the rules about shirts/socks in the common area.

We have a game plan

and that gives us hope.

And I was reminded that my Hope is in the LORD ~

not in me.

Thank you Lord for a day that was filled with stressors but ending on a positive note.

Thank you Lord for friends who lift me up in prayers 

in my time of need.

And most of all 

thank you Lord for the 

the reminder that 

New Month, New Day

As the alarm was going off this morning I thought about rolling over and going back to sleep.  Then I remembered that I really want to get back into having my quiet time before the boys are up, before hitting the ground each morning.  

So up I got.

Took a shower, talked to God ~ isn't that the best place to carry on a conversation with him?

Finished getting ready for the day,

grabbed my Bible and my journal

and then continued spending some time with  my Lord.

I don't know why I am surprised,

but alas God met me right where I needed him to be.

First up was 

which reminded me of 

which led me to thinking of my 

which seems to be ever ending but not much is getting crossed off

and gives my anxiety room to grow!!

I need to be content where I am and not allow myself to get so stressed 

over things that I can't control.

It doesn't mean I can't have goals,

it just means I need to keep them realistic.

So I have decided to have some daily goals, 

weekly goals,

and some long term goals.

I feel like I have just given myself permission

to take things one at a time,

not expecting to be 

I feel like I've been rambling on

and that's okay.

Sometimes that's just how I am.