New Day

Feeling the urge to say 

GOOD Morning!!

For us it means less than four more hours of work this week.

Then off for seven wonderful days.

Not sure what we are doing,

we just know we are not working!!

In Shock!

I am sitting here in disbelief!!!

Before we left Oregon I had my A1C down to 7.7

not great but not bad.

Some of you are probably asking 

What is A1C?

In layman's term it is the average of my blood sugars

for the past three months.

So today I got the results from  last week's A1C test

10.0!!!

Yes, 10.0 ~ I could not believe it. 

It has not been this high in years,

in fact, in 1995 when I was diagnosed it was a 12.6!!!

This explains why I am so dang tired all the time!!!

I really thought it would be about 8.0 to 8.5

but 

10.0!!!

I know that part of the problem is 

what meals are served here at The Ranch ~

Lunch today consisted of a Patty Melt on Texas toast, 

deep fried pickles, breaded cheddar cheese bites and jalapeno poppers.

I had the Patty Melt, one jalapeno popper, 

one cheddar cheese bite and two fried pickles.

Dinner wasn't much better ~ it was chicken pot pie (I ate the chicken insides, 

no crust), wild rice (I didn't have any) and a piece of chocolate cream pie

and yes I ate that.

Most of the meals cooked here at the ranch are fried,

deep fried and include French fries, fried chicken,

corn in all forms, chicken fried steak w/gravy,

pancakes, lots of bread/biscuits,  bacon, sausage, 

gravy ~ you get the picture

Not healthy choices

but great for teenage boys!!

I am supposed to be working on reports

for the day

and yet I sit here

wondering what the heck am I supposed to do.

My weight is down from when we left 

Oregon so that is a good thing.

But an A1C of 10.0

is NOT okay.

Would appreciate prayers

as Ron and I come up with an 

healthy eating plan

and 

quickly!!!

The week we are on duty we are expected

to eat family style with the boys ~

in the dining hall

the food that is prepared.

I have got to come up with some alternative

meals that are easy and quick to fix

(I don't have time to be in the apartment

once our day has begun)

and that can travel easily.

I am in shock 

and just shaking my head.  

And the Journey Continues

I am so 

for 

who know me well

and 

love me 

enough

to tell me the hard things.

I know that so often my emotions

like to run away

like a deer being spooked.

After a few good talks, emails,

chats and especially time with the Lord

my spirit has calmed once again.

Now looking forward to a couple of days off,

a couple of appointments for 

Isn't he a cute Santa?

And time with friends.

Can't believe we are close to celebrating 41 years

of marriage!!  How can that be???

(will write more about that later)

It Doesn't Really Matter

It Doesn't Really Matter

~ it doesn't matter how hard I try

I FAIL

~ it doesn't matter what you do for others

IT'S NEVER ENOUGH

~ it doesn't matter 

~ it plain doesn't matter

And I am

DONE!!!

I am done trying to be strong

I am done trying to give the benefit of the doubt

I am done trying to follow the rules

WHY should I try to follow the rules ~

no one is held to the rules,

consequences are not given,

told one thing but then another happens or doesn't happen

I AM DONE!!!

You want a robot,

you got one

You want a BITCH

you have one

Ask politely someone to turn the TV down

get told IT IT - Hell I can't even hear myself think

Yes, I am pissed and I don't care who knows it

I am told I am not fair

HELL, LIFE IS NOT FAIR

Why have rules and expectations

It doesn't really matter

Do as you please, there will be no consequences

Oh how I could write more

but really what does it matter

Nothing will change

the game is bide my time,

let the chips fall where they may

guess when real life

kicks you in the ass

then you might pay attention.

I might be paying attention sooner than later!!!!!!!!!!!!