Sunday, July 16, 2017

Random Thoughts

Blog Posts ~ have had many on my mind yet never seeming to find the time to get them written.  Then realized I don't need the internet to write my posts ~ I can write them in Word and then do a Copy & Paste when we have internet ~ you see on our weeks off we try to get away, we take our travel trailer and go camping.  This week we are at Lake Tawakoni, two weeks ago we were at Lake Whitney.  And in a week and a half we will be back at Lake Whitney.

Today, we are sitting in the Family Center and I have been reading Facebook ~ love catching up with friends and family and little gems that come from Jesus just to me!!!

Like this one ~
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And this is what I wrote ~
I wanted to like this but at the same time my heart aches as I read through these as they are so true so that leaves me sad. The hardest part is trying to get others to understand ~ and there really isn't a way for them to understand. Thank you Pamela Richards-Woodall for sharing this. I am going to put it on my wall as well.
I wish I could share this with everyone I know, so just maybe they would understand me a bit more.
So often lately I have wished I could sit with Marla Tuski and just share from my heart. Or sharing with Deanna Walton Griffith so we can cry and then laugh together. I long for the little couch in Pastor Charles Gibson office to just ramble on and know that he would pray with me and for me and not judge me yet encourage me. And YES I am thankful for my hubby, Ron Workentin who loves me and tries to understand me, even when he has no clue what to do.
BUT most importantly I am thankful for Jesus who is always ready and willing to listen to me and wipe my tears.

And found myself thinking this would be a good lead into a blog post ~
I have found myself emotionally all over the place the last few weeks, dealing with anger, love, frustration, uncertainty, angst, happy, excited, scared, joyful, anticipating and dreading.
The list could go on and on.  
Struggling with finding time to be with the Lord,
be in His Word,
praying ~ I have prayers in my heart but can't seem to voice them.
Wanting, no needing some girl time yet my bestie is not here, emailing is not the same;
missing my talks with Marla, emailing is not the same;
wanting to just sit and drink coffee, solving the worlds problems, emailing is not the same;
Missing my Pastor, his seriousness and his jokes that only we understand, emailing is not the same;
And then I saw the post above, shared by my friend Pamela.  

Pamela is an author, we have so much in common and she understands and reads between those emails, yes the ones that are not the same.

I want to do so many things ~
write,
speak,
encourage others,
love my hubby in ways he deserves that I just can't seem to do,
make a difference in women's lives,
don't get me wrong, I love our boys here in Waco,
love that we are building relationships,
seeing positive changes in their lives
yet they are not the audience I believe God wants me to share with,
at least not the only audience.

I shared with a friend a few weeks ago via a video chat
what my heart desires are.
She encouraged me,
made me realize I have the best of both worlds.
Work one week, have off one week.
But that week off is just not happening like I dream about ~
time to write,
time to study God's Word,
encourage women in their daily lives as they struggle to deal with issues from the past,
sharing how God has healed me from such pain
because
I also want to spend time with my hubby,
enjoy the area we are in,
check out the new places we go,
work on crochet projects,
and I really need time at home ~
time to clean out closets and totes,
organize notebooks ~ write those notebooks into the computer, to lighten the load of stuff.
Do things with friends, make new friends, get involved in a church ~ so hard to do when time and circumstance don't allow for that involvement.
Build friendships but remembering and respecting boundaries of co-workers.
And SLEEP ~ I really do a lot of sleeping during our off weeks!!!
If you know me, you know I don't function well on 5 to 6 hours of  sleep and about day 7 of short sleep, I am ready to crash and sleep to get caught up and to plan ahead.
I want to have conversations with friends about "Hot Topics"
because emailing and Facebook are not necessarily the best way to do so ~
tone can't be heard, facial expressions can't be seen, dialogue just doesn't happen back and forth in a timely manner.
And then I read something, like above,
and the tears flow
and I write
and find peace inside.


Sitting Here

Sitting here not sure if I should cry or not cry, laugh or scream.  I hate  dislike that I take things so personally.  I just want to scream...