Friday, April 20, 2012

First Waking Thoughts of the Morning ~ Terminated

Woke up this morning from a dream where I was back at the Lone Star Corral, doing something in the clubhouse kitchen and a couple of guys were in there with me.  E was asking me a question about something I had written up and R was kinda ignoring me but I could tell he was listening to the conversation.  And then "TERMINATED" was said in a sentence and I just stopped dead in my tracks and woke up.

Thinking about "terminated" my mind went back 24 years ago when we were moving from Federal Way, WA to Blaine, WA.  The situation at that time was that we were moving because there were just way too many people in the area.  At Christmas of 1988 Ron came home from running an errand on Christmas Eve and was very upset because it took him almost an hour to go 3 miles!  He was not a happy man and very stressed.  And then February of '89 we moved to Blaine doing two of the things I said I would never do: 1~move to Blaine and 2~live with Ron's mom.  Did both :)  And in making that move we had to terminate with our therapist who we had been seeing for 2 1/2 years.  And that scared me so much that I would find myself sick to my stomach quite often.  And I was even able to keep our last session for after we were moved and kinda settled into our new life.  So on April 3, 1989 we had our last session w/Tom.  And we talked about the word "termination" and why it scared me so much.  It just sounded so final, nothing after that and we had grown to love and appreciate Tom's Christian counseling and his friendship and the thought of that 'TERMINATING, ENDING, NEVER SEEING HIM AGAIN" was just plain scary to me.  How could I go on without him in my life.  He had helped me get through some really tough times: dealing with past abuse from my parents and how that in turn affected my life, my parenting, my marriage.  And what if something were to happen, what would I do if we were TERMINATED???

I will never forget that dinner.  We met at Black Angus in Federal Way.  Don't have a clue what we ate.  We met in front at 6:30 p.m. (well a little later because Tom was never on time:) and we left there at 12:30 a.m.  Six hours!!  We talked, laughed, discussed some things like the night in 1986 which happened to be the first Friday of the month and we were going to Enumclaw for their Christmas parade with the boys after our session and Tom asked Ron "Do you know what sickening sweet it?"  Ron replied, "No."  Tom described sickening sweet as taking a large can of Redi Whip and squirting the whole darn thing into your mouth and swallowing it (Tom's brother used to do that to gross his momma out:) and then he told Ron "YOU are sickening sweet."  I remember laughing to myself and Ron didn't say much.  That is, until we were in the car heading to Enumclaw and Ron went on & on about he was not sickening sweet and how dare Tom say that to him.  I bet Ron must have referred to that comment at least 5x that night if not 10x.  And quite often through the next week.  Did he say anything to Tom at our next session?  Nope, nada, not a word.  Never said anything to him for 2 1/2 years until that night we were saying our good-byes.  The funny thing is that Tom never even remembered saying that to Ron, but here 31 years later we both remember that night and now often will joke about "ew...that must be sickening sweet" and then laugh about it. 

We talked about my mom and our relationship ~ pretty nil at that time.  And how I felt like I didn't have a mom anymore.  And that hurt.  Thankful though that God healed that relationship for the most part and when she passed away in 2005 we were sharing our lives more with each other.  Not the way I always wanted a relationship with her but we did have a relationship and that is what is important.

And we talked about different things that had come up during the  2 1/2 years we met - like when I went on strike for almost 2 weeks.  Wonder if the boys remember that.  They were in shock that I said I was not going to do anything for them: no laundry, no cooking, no cleaning, nothing.  They wouldn't pull their weight in our home by doing their chores like cleaning their bedroom, putting their clean laundry away, setting/clearing the table at dinner time without complaining and so I went on strike.  Jamie got so mad that he called Tom and told him HE needed a session with him.  And so Jamie saw Tom alone one week and then we had a joint session: Jamie & I and left their with a job chart for Jamie and a new understanding of what it meant to be part of a family.  We all work together for the common good.

Oh the memories I could share.  But that is for another time.  Back to the word "terminate."  As you know just two weeks and two days ago we were TERMINATED from our positions at the Lone Star Corral.  And wow, what a difference to how I responded and handled the situation.  Never got sick, never yelled or even reacted.  Just did the business that needed to be done.  I am so thankful for my scripture that morning "I (being God) know the plans I have for you."  And while Marti was telling us we were terminated that verse went through my head and I thought "OK, God you need to start sharing those plans with us and hopefully you will do it soon:)." 

Yes, I was in shock, it came out of nowhere.  I was hurt by the lies that were being said about both of us.  And yet, I put one foot in front of the other and said a ton of prayers and continued to put one foot in front of the other going where the Lord would lead us.  Yes, I cried when I called Pastor Charles, Dee and Merel.  Ron and I cried together, shared our thoughts and put one foot in front of the other.  Yet God is faithful and he has led us each and every day since that day 16 days ago (like he has for the 36+ years we have been married). 

Still don't like the word "terminate" and yes it is final but this time it has been quite refreshing and freeing seeing how God is working in our lives, my life and the doors that have opened for us and how exciting it has been to see him take a situation that for a few minutes seemed so devastating and bring glory and honor to our Lord.

1 comment:

I love to hear what you think about my blog so comment away. Note I do have Comment Moderation on so that spam and inappropriate comments will not be allowed.

Sitting Here

This morning as I sit at my laptop working on weekly reports and thinking about finishing up our daily logs for this week,  my heart ache...